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Due to being spam bombed out of my mind since i started blogging again, I have turned off comments on any posts older than 1 year, which basically means everything other than the front page since I had a LONGGGGG dry spell.

I hate doing it but I have 800 spams in moderation queue from the last THREE DAYS. I dunno why all of a sudden they have focused on me but DAMN. I get so many REAL comments get mixed into the victims headed to the trash.

So. No more comments on old posts. At least for now.

I understand my purchase of shoes on your site has renewed your faith in me as a female of the species. Maybe you can tell my mother everything is okay.

I know my prior my purchases have mostly consisted of snowglobes, paddle punches, USB toys, and generally Hong Kong made techy stuff have left this previously in doubt. So excited were you by my seemingly first “grown woman” purchase that you have begun sending me  tons of fashion foreward suggestions. I must like shoes, right? I would surely like those Rip off Manolo’s. Or that handbag. Or those dresses.

However, the shoes I bought were Birkenstocks, the very antithesis of high fashion, and they are replacing one of my pairs ( yes I have more than one) that I’ve had for about 8 years.

See? Tim Gunn is fanning himself right now.

Carrie Bradshaw I ain’t, okay? Can we agree to disagree on your suggestions for me, or do I have to buy a power tool to balance it back out?

Thanks again for all the junk I’ve bought.

jen

Today we went to the a nearby burg, they were having their annual town wide garage sale, it was a madhouse with hundreds and hundreds of yards and parking lots filled with junk. But a few things stand out, and as a avid garage sale I thought I’d make a point to mention.

1: NO ONE WANTS YOUR CLOTHES.
Seriously? You think anyone is going to rifle through a table of your old shirts to see if they are their size? People who do like to buy used clothes like to go to Goodwill, etc where they get washed, hung, organized by size or type and are easy to search. And they usually have something in mind, and  your pile of  junk ain’t helping them find it. So: DONATE IT. Get it out of the way, hell get a tax write off for it. But forget putting it out at the garage sale. No one freaking wants it, and if they are like us, if we see  sale with tables of clothes, we move on. Normally we don’t even slow the car.

2: YOUR STUFF AIN’T WORTH WHAT YOU THINK
You aren’t in a retail business, so no need to slap those up to retail prices, garage sales are for bargains and to make a few bucks (notice I said FEW), make someone happy while keeping it out of a landfill. If it’s worth so much, freaking keep it.

3: IF IT IS BROKE, TRASH IT.
That toaster ain’t gonna fix it self and for $5 I can buy one on a Target clearance that does work. Unless it’s car no will buy it for parts. It’s trash, face it, embrace it. No one is going to buy it to recycle it either, unless it’s a large amount of scrap metal.

4: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BUY A FAT MARKER!
Don’t make signs with ball point pen, or a fine tip sharpie, because honey, no matter how many times you scribble over it it’s virtually invisible driving. Also, try to make sure your damned house number is on the sign! Arrows should at least be as big as  a adult hand, and be lines at least as wide as a finger, PLEASE! If you use a colored card stock for your sign stick with BLACK ink! White paper stick with red black and blue.  DON’T even TOUCH a highlighter! Get a nice old school chizel tip marker. Get a nice fumey one too, aside from being waterproof (summer rain happens) it’ll give you a nice buzz – bonus!

5: PUT A DATE AND TIME ON YOUR SIGN
I cant tell you how many times I’ve driven to a “moving sale” following a sign only to find out they already moved. And if you can find it in your heart to actually take it down when done you will be doing a service to everyone.

Thanks, had to get that out of my system.

I know it’s been almost a year, blame twitter. I’m going to try to post at least once a week now I swear!

Etsy has decided to shut my store down.

After 100% feedback, and 224 sales, I’m shut down. I  can’t even have an account now, even to buy. They are turning me off on Tuesday completely and I am now grabbing all my customer data off.

Reason?  Good Question. They cited “user complaints”, but won’t elaborate further. Since I can’t use the forums or Storque so I’m not sure what they can find to complain about me with, other than I work for Artfire and exist.

I cant say I’m surprised. I’ve been expecting this since September when I joined on at Artfire and announced it here on my blog, so this is just the other shoe dropping. I’ve more or less stayed on out of pure spite.

You can of course find me on Artfire for all your pincushiony needs.

(I just sent this letter to national Operations email address)

Dear National Amusements,

Right now as I’m writing this I’m trying to decide what to eat for dinner after “eating dinner” at your theatre. See I’m trying to decide what would be willing to puke up later should the food poisoning I fear I might have gotten from your food should hit.

See, we decided to splurge today and try the local Cinema de lux in Springdale, Ohio and see Wolverine on opening night in one of your “directors halls”.

It cost a little more than going to the Rave (our usual fave) but the prospect of ordering food from our seats was nice since we were starving and we hoped it would be a better behaved and more adult crowd (wasn’t, still had a chatty housewife and a screaming baby).

It had taken me a while to even find out more about your Director’s Hall Theatres. There is precious little info on your site, and certainly not connected to the page for my theatre where I’d of course want to be able to access it. I had to google it and read a newspaper article in Connecticut about it to get what it was. So there is a head up for you, fix your site. It’s cumbersome as hell.

So anyway, back to the show:

We ordered moments before the opening credits. Finally.

Our food didn’t come until well after the movie started. Like 30 min into it. We had ordered two burger combos (burger, fries, drink) but came on ONE paper tray piled so high it as impossible to deal alone with as there was no place to put it. We sat it on the floor and started eating in the dark. They hadn’t brought any ketchup packets, the burgers, while large, were dressed poorly (barely any ketchup, NO mayo or NO cheese as ordered)

The fries were cold, and limp, largely inedible. The burgers were all but lukewarm… well raw.

Not rare, RAW. There was a cooked outer shell, After a few bites I noticed that meat seemed well… mushy. Soft even. I stuck my finger into the meat, in the dark mind you, and felt the patty. Wet, cool and it pulled away and molded easily in my fingers. My stomach tuned. My husband was so hungry he had devoured his without too much thought other than it was food, and he is a man that likes everything charred to a cinder. I sat mine aside.

After the movie I got a look at it. Not only was my burger raw it wasn’t bloody. Meaning it was barely cooked. Ground beef only gets blood after it gets hot as the fibers break down releasing the juices, this did not even get hot enough to do this, so it was beyond rare. It was raw.

All in all it was a confusing experience, once we’re not sure we’ll repeat, we’ll stick with the Rave. At least they won’t try to kill me.

Jen Segrest

I joined up on Twitter in late 2007 and I love it, but it took me a few weeks to get wrap it around my brain.

Soon though it really took hold with me, and with the new job making me too busy to blog all the time I haven’t really had time to blog, but I do have time to twitter. Twitter has almost killed my personal blog, one that I’ve until recently posted to sometimes more than 3 times a week since 2001.

I’ll explain really quickly in case you live in a cave: Twitter has been called a Microblog. I like to think of it more as public short attention span text message everyone in the world can see. You can only use 140 characters as the limit on text messages for phone is roughly 160. This allows you some space for a username and since many people twitter from phones etc thus the whole character limit thing. It’s meant for short messages. “I’m at The bank, and this teller is taking foever. Bury me at Wounded knee” or to ask for tips or link to find things etc. It’s actually quite addictive.

But Twitter is being abused by crafters who are filling it full of spam who don’t understand what it is and what is frowned upon. In the past on the talk on Twitter has been about how Etsy sellers are the new spam villain there because of the (etsy staff suggested) spamming twitter with all their listings, relistings and bullcrap.

This all came after a day in early 2009 that Etsy supported called “Etsy day”. It mostly consisted of thousands of members tweeting about them, and made #etsyday go to #1 in twitter trends (that means hottest topics), while I’m sure many learned about Etsy that day it annoyed people about 1000% more people.

The thing is Etsy had been telling it’s sellers for months before this to join Twitter as it’s a “great way to promote your items!”. It’s sellers are mostly middleaged aged females, many of whom still find the whole social media thing largely a mystery – but they want to sell, so they do what the 20-somthing Etsy staff says without regard to what is appropriate or frowned on. They don’t learn the customs or culture of Twitter. They constantly relist items and dutifully tweet every last one of them like instructed. Their feeds are filled with nothing more than “check out my crap!” and links to their shops – stuff no one wants to see – and just fill Twitter with spam. If the would learn more about Twitter, and how to be a better Twitterati, some of this blatant link whoring spam would slow down.

So as a avid Tweeter, one that now “gets it” let me pass on what I know to folks out there:

• If you don’t understand Twitter, stay off it. Seriously.
  Really I mean it. It’s not a hard thing to get. If you really want to ‘get it” follow some people and learn about it before you start posting. Learn what the protocols are, how things are done. Observe then try later.
  
  
• Don’t follow everyone who follows you. This isn’t kindergarten. Do you bookmark every site you go to? You should only follow people who you enjoy reading. If someone replies to you and you like their tweets, sure go for it. Maybe it’s a start of a beautiful friendship! But if you follow 1000 people you won’t know or be able to read any of them.
• Don’t get into how many followers you have. It’s no an indication as your worth as a person. Just means you have that many people who think you suck less than other people. Don’t go trolling for followers. The ones that will follow you blindly aren’t reading you anyway, they want you to follow them, so THEY can spam YOU. It’s better to have 200 followers who like what you say rather than 2000 who don’t see a word.
• No one gives a crap what you sell. Really. I mean it. NO ONE. I am not saying you can’t promote your things but don’t flood the twittersphere with them. Keep them to a few a week, tops. Show more what you are proud of than what you have and have more to offer than what you sell.
• Not everyone uses twitter as you do. That means Twitter wasn’t made for you to spam, It was made to connect people not hawk products to them.
• It’s a conversation, with or without people. I said it in a tweet once to someone about all the celebrities that are on Twitter now: “They don’t get that it’s SOCIAL media, not LOOK AT ME-dia”. Most don’t reply to anyone, ever, but just blather about their day as if it’s the word of god from on high. Most ordinary twitter people don’t get that either. Many sellers think it was invented to be text advertising, and it wasn’t.If you talk to people more than you talk at them and you’ll likely be a halfway decent Twitterati.
• People who are funny are better tweeters. If you are missing the humor gene, STFU. Really. There are enough crotchety killjoys out there already.
• Don’t tweet everything you do, less is more. And by extension: Random is more fun that minutia. I’ve been known to just tweet that “I Like Fruit Punch!” or “I just ate ham with my fingers because I’m a fancy lady!” the like and I’ll get people replying how they do too! It’s weird but funny in it’s own way.
• Find those who do what you do. I like to tweet during TV shows I’ve found some great other fans that way! (Run a search for your say a TV name while it is showing or a band, or your crafty art, and you’ll find some new people who enjoy it too. It really is a great way to find people.)
• Ask the twittersphere. It’s a great place to ask for advice, tips, links… give the same to others too. Find a funny link? I wanna see!
• More than your “followers” see your posts. Many people use various apps for Twitter and many like to view (at least sometimes) tweets by everyone along side the ones they are following. So if you send out those tweets on your items for sale you ARE spamming everyone indiscriminately without meaning to.

Okay, that’s the basics I think. Just some tips to keep in mind, but again – if you don’t get it, you don’t have to. Many of us do. Shrug it off as a mystery of life and move on.

Yes I’m still alive. Just busy.
Anyway, I have noticed there is a new campaign out for a lady shaver recently, and they take divergent angles to the same point. One is British I think, the other I saw on TV in the US here. The latter was so subtle Mr Man didn’t even know what it was about the first time before I had to explain it with the power of TiVo. It’s nice to see they are going after women with some humor for once.

I know my readers, if I have any left, enjoy my video finds, so here you go!

Cried like a crazy woman during the inaugural, everytime I'd see someone on TV crying it'd get me too. And I'm not a crier. Just so incredible.

Last night Mr Man and I went out to eat, O'Charlie's nothing fancy, it was there, but the place was packed. I mean every seat packed. On a wednesday. It's never busy to go out to eat here on Wednesdays. The place was upbeat and chatty.

I told Mr Man it was "Hope". Evidentially it smells like chargrilled steak.

MMMM, hope, rare indeed.

Long time readers know that I always post the wost, most fucked up, most depressing holiday song I know of as a yearly tradition… this year is no different!

Red Sovine's "Faith In Santa"

It has everything you want at Xmas… a part time store Santa – and a dying abused homeless boy!

(It's only a "song" in that same way that Willian Shatner is a "recording artist".)

I have been up to my eyeballs in work. Ugh.

Everyday a version 1 page of the new artfire site is coming up, and I'm desiging stuff every day, all day, to keep the programmers busy.All chock full of features to make sellers cry with joy.

 I'm filling it so full of killer tool ideas, and such a complete solution that I'm expecting Etsy to shut me down at any time out of pure spite claiming I'm an enemy combatant or something. So if you want to buy from me come to my Artfire shop, but don't expect it quick, I'm working so long and hard that I'm having problems finding time to make orders.  I'm happy about that though. I like being busy, and they are loving my work, as are the other sellers. Just wait till they see it all done.

Call me Dr Nick, because I'm gonna kill Big E. ::: Insert evil laugh here:::

 Otherwise life is good, My npehew is getting even more adorable:

I know, I can't believe I'm related to him either. He has now officaly eaten his first IKEA food, so we're ingraing it early. ONly a couple m ore eyars before I can take him for a visit and dump him in IKEA Småland child care. I'm in!

Never piss off a designer. We're mercenaries and we'll sell our wares to anyone who appreciates it. Even if it was intended for someone else.

I normally never discuss work in progress, but wanted to talk about it, and I'm sick of living in fear of Etsy retribution for not being a team player when the team has no coach, no bus and no game schedule.

So after a year of suggesting ways Etsy to do the right things on it's site (and making comps to show them), how to behave the right way and stop being hipster asshats and start acting professional – and being muted for it – I am done with trying. I'm now out of the closet and annoucing I am helping their newest competition.

I approached Artfire.com a few weeks ago with some suggestions after seeing the need for some improvement in their online site and branding my first visit. They quickly told me they were only a few months old and were about to start a redesign etc to get them into battle mode. They are a new new up and coming still in beta but serious about aking Etsy down at the knees. They read the blogs, and Etsy's own forums, and saw a need to fill a gap for a craft market site that listened to it's customers, gave value for the money and was already finisihing up on greatly desired features Etsy hasn't coughed up yet. I sent them my resume and links.

They liked my suggestions, and was immediately contracted to redesign their logo, site, user experience, magazine ads, banner ads  – the works. They want to pay me for everything I was trying to stupidly give Etsy for free under the guise of being a concerned user.

Artfire also wants to one up Etsy in the way that baffles most people – Etsy's lack of advertising impetus. They are putting HUGE money into advertising in the next few months to get the people over and more importantly the buyers for the holidays and are devoting a staggering amount into more mass market ads that makes Etsy's paltry attempts (stupid ass lottery style co-op ads in magzines most people don't read) seem like they are putting a finger painting on a fridge door by comparison.

And with me I bring the knowledge of what Etsy users have been asking for for years, and suggestions I originally gave to Etsy trying to make them a better site. Etsy can suck it.

The work I'm doing for Artfire is some of my nicest recently, and I'm jazzed to help another option be more viable to the community of crafters I've grown to know.

I dunno how long the gig will last, design for hire biz being what it is, but while I'm doing it I'm enjoying every minute of it.

Even republicans aren't digging Palin when the mics are off.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrG8w4bb3kg

And for more on Palin's credentials:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSdFIDygFwM

And if you missed the last SNL skit, here you go!

View Larger Map

Alaska's shore is about 50 miles from Russia's shore. There are two islands midway that are on the border – THEY are one mile apart. Two rocky ice pimples in the Bering Strait. I live 50 miles from Kentucky, that doesn't make me a hillbilly.

Key West is 90 miles from Cuba. Cuba is far more populated than that easternmost icy nipple on Russia's coast. Also many more people in Key West and weekly Cubans trying to raft in in old tires. The Mayor of Monroe County (that's the the Keys) has more experience with dealing with Communists than Palin. And they joke about being a separate country!

I can't belive people are buying this shit.. oh wait… yes I do. These fools elected Bush, twice.

Costco has some interesting options for the  "sky is falling" crowd…

A huge bucket of Emergency Food
MMMM Just looks so appetizing doesn't it? All Vegetarian AND a 20 year shelf life?
I'll take dying in a fiery apocolypse please!

They also have a Emergency kit that includes everything but a FEMA form and a body bag. 

 But if your house get's swept away, good luck finding it, so you better bury it in the backyard for safekeeping.

Since taking up selling my pincushions on etsy. Urgh I suck.

Well the news is Mr Man lost his job he got last fall on Aug 8th. The day before my birthday, so needless to say there was not birthday. No gifts. Not dinner. We're both looking for fulltime work, nothing solid so far, but weboth have some leads. So hopefully this time in two weeks one or both of us will be employed, and we won't be homeless (crosses fingers).

 If anyone in Cinci needs a kick ass IT manager with tons of experience on everythign from phones systems to office managment and a bunch of other stuff – or a spiffy cool web designer who can do print work too – let me know.

My Son Hates Being Homeschooled

OMG Furries… homeschooling… furry hour… barking at teacher… brain hurt… where to… start… fzzt grrp!

::thud:: 

At some point the last fews weeks EVERY voicemail we've gotten the last year appeared back in our saved voicemail box. Time Warner Digital phone FTW!

Took me an hour to delete them all… ugh!

Blew my knee out the day before I was to go to Pennsic, thus why I am not there. OUCH, Majorly OUCH. How did I do it? It's been sore past few weeks, been crunchy for 20 years thanks to a misguided landing off a theater stage, then after a shopping trip I put my hand on a wall to steady myself as kicked off my Birks. BAM! Just like that. Standing still.

I'm so talented.

Now I have to figure out how to convince Mr Man to unpack the car for me. (yeah right)

Think the 2003 movie with Jessica Alba from a few year back was bad? Try the one made in 1993. Made by Roger Corman – do I need to say more? Rger Corman is the Home Shopping Chanel of movie makers in my opinion.

So bad, Avi Arad with Marvel (behind the recent Marvel blockbusters like Spiderman, Hulk and Ironman), gave Corman the money he paid out making it and orderd it burned and had everyone's memries wiped. (Okay I made that one up.)

The pictures are cringe worthy. My bro has seen a bootleg of it and he said it was incredibly bad.