You started off as a wee little colony of cranky gun toting bastards who got sick of being taxed on paper products, paying too much for tea and not having a word in how they were governed. Your greatest diplomat was a notorious womanizing old coot that had the king of all mullets and was estranged from his son due to polictical differences.

Now you’re a country filled with hate filled gun toting rednecks paying $5 for coffee while only interested in nascar news they can find online, and not having a word how they are governed. Your greatest diplomat is a chimp faced moron who is little more than a hand puppet of evil and yet has managed to divide the country so entirely in just six years that it’s estranged parents and children due to polictical differences.

You’re just lucky old Ben Franklin isn’t around anymore, he’d kick your ass for the punk you’ve grown up into.

So, Happy freaking Birthday, USA. I wish the British had won. Sure didn’t seem to hurt Canada none.