Our older dog we adopted when the nighbors got foreclosed, and is my Dog Maggie’s momma, likes to steal things and chew them. It’s elevated as of late. She’s gotten quite slik at grabbing things off the table as she walks by, slick as any shoplifter you ever saw on tv. If she’s bored, it’s fair game. She’s mainly relegated herself to paper though.

Name: Patches
Caught in act of habitual destruction

It was funny the one time last week when she was walking by the table, stuck her head in the open side, grabs out a La Rosa’s menu without breaking stride and goes right to her bed in the corner of the room as naturally as a guy grabs a magazine for a long sit in the bathroom. After looking at each other in shock at how casually she did it we jumped right up and scolded her and took it away, but that’s one of the few times we’ve caught her before she’s done the deed. Earlier this week she chewed my itunes gift card from the trash (I used it already, hell ya), a prescription from a doctor, a note Mr Man had made, two pens, and a clippy thing for chip bags. I can’t even list everything before this. You should have seen her the one time she chewed the sharpie. I still have a black spot on my livingroom floor. Sigh.

Well, anyway, last Friday our other dog Gary, the little guy, did something to his leg, or rather more likely Maggie did something to him wrestling outside. By dinner time he wasn’t using his right rear leg at all so we went to the vet on Sat morning to learn after $100 of xrays the little dude was fine and big whiner pansy ass. They sent us off with those pricey beef flavored pain pills, and they’ve been helping. He’s actually been using it the past couple of days, though lightly. He’s even back to using the stool to jump up on the big huge bed now.

Move to today, I left the damn dogs alone for 15 minutes to come out and see the Grand Dam herself chewing something again. The other two, the good two, were sleeping. I yelp when I focus to see it’s a white lid that’s almost unrecognizable and green pill bottle. Gary’s pain pills.

Exhibit 1

All but one of the remaining 6 pills - gone. I had sat it I thought up about doggy head height, but just. So she must have put her feet up on the dvd shelf to get it. Christ.

A quick call to the vet tells me she’ll be fine since she’s well over twice his size for 5 pills to have an impact, and in fact she might feel pretty good toady with her bad arthritic knee. Whew. So I have to go out today and hit the vet and get more pain pills for the Dude.

We’d bought her a bone a few weeks ago, a chicken flavored Gumabone, and it was a little too popular! She and Gary and Mags all traded it like a $5 whore. It didn’t last a week. So today I’ll go out and but three of them, but of the harder Nylabone variety. Maybe it’ll keep her too busy to look for other things to chew.

Dogs, what fun.

Addendumb: After re-consulting my math we realized she ate 8 or 9 pills, oh yeah and a rubber bouncy ball. I found after I went to leash her up. I just got back from driving her ass to the vets for a short stay to puke her guts out. That’ll teach her. I hope. I have to go get her later. Joy.