More than you’d think

I made this up today, feel free to snag one off Cafepress from my store.

Sure I linked SAVE KATIE yesterday, but I think this has more of that retro 80’s thing, so like Tom. Plus is has aliens, just like her new “religion”. I figured I had to do it before someone else did.

Reviews are coming in for War of the Worlds. They sound great! “peilberg’s best work in years!” and the like. Too bad it’s too late to save it.

I predict a “Gigli” like monster flop thanks to Tom “I’m a whackjob who thinks scifi alien movies are true” Cruise.

I don’t blame Spielberg for being mad at Cruise for upstaging the movie and just plain stop showing up to premier events. Why bother, no one gives a crap for the movie he’s made now. It’s one of the worst Hollywood summer seasons on record and this movie is not going to change it with the negative flack Cruise is creating by himself. (I personally think he’s coocoo for cocopuffs.)

Just as quickly as we fell for him in ‘Risky Business’ 20 years ago, we have fallen out of love with Tom Cruise.

It’s like having a crush on that cute guy at the office for years then you get the nerve up and finally invite him over for dinner and miracles of miracles… he accepts! When he arrives, he’s charming and friendly but he immediatly excuses himself to your bathroom. Thirty minutes later walk in to see if everything is okay and find him in your bed, dressed in your underwear, touching himself improperly while looking at a picture of your Mom.

Am I that creeped out by Tom yet? You betcha. Is the respect for his talent gone? Oh yeah. Long gone.

I predict, if WotW does indeed flop to depths unseen by singing bootylicous latinas and mall rat Southies, the guy doesn’t do a movie for two years. His current contracts will somhowmanage to dry up pre-production.

Tom won’t be able to pay to get a script for sent to him after this debaucle. He’ll be the new Burt Reynolds who burned hard and fell fast under media scruinty and we’ll rediscover his shrivelly 65 year-old self in 20 years and be amazed that the old hasbeen hack can act after all.

Anyone want to take that bet?

This is both morbidly fascinating and mortally terrifying in ways I can’t quite expain. I think it’s a marvelous discovery but not sure how about the ‘right way’ you would do human trials without vergin on medical vampirism, y’know?

I however am even more curious how the religious right and powers that be are gonna spin this.

If Terri Schiavo’s case proved you don’t have a right to die and thereby usurping ‘god’s will’ that you live – can being brought back to life not be the same kind of ‘unholy’ act?

Where will the protesters be that cry out for this to be banned by law so ‘god’s will’ for you to die be allowed to occur? How far will hypocracy test it’s bounds?

FreeKatie.com invites you to join the movement to liberate Katie, a young, gifted, actress held captive by forces we may never understand.

So, I went to this auction of a “private medeival collection” last wekend about 5 miles from the house. Some old guys estate. Well it was largely crap. all stuff the medieval times resturaunt would balk at, minus a coupe actual real pieces.

Anyway, this guy was a HUGE european history buff, and as a result went over DOZENS of times on trips. I bought three huge boxes of these old scrapbooks filled to the bring wth postcards, pictures, books, musuems guides… the works from the 60’s through 2003. I got all three boxes for a grand total of $3.

Well I sat up last night and began to wittle the pile to a manageable size (that means rip and divide the crap out of it)

I sat down with a exacto and scissors and cut and trmmed EVERY dang postcard out of the books. See, Mr World travel taped everything in, after 1964. Before that he glued everything in. NO good for postcard values I tell ya. I prolly have $20 of fair condition cards now. I’lls ell them at a card show in columbus in the fall. Anwyay… now I have ONE box of slides, pics , anm books, and two little bozes of JUSTpost cards. Well less than half the space.

One of the surprising gems in the old 60’s boosk where these luggage stickers from back in the day when they were real and not a cartoon cliche. I think they are really neat, A couple got magled, more than one of them is still glued to the backing paper that I just trimed away. These are thin muthas.

I think I’ll frae them and hang them in the Key West inspired bathroom or something (Which I never told you but I bought the COOLEST shower curtain for at target with handsewn chenille flamingos that match to a T).

Other news… I tookthis huge range of qualifying tests a couple weeks ago and I just got the call. I have a job, well kinda.

It’s a part time job at the sensory testing lab as a taste/smell tester traniee. Three days a week, 6 hours a day, $10 an hour. Not much but I bet it’s interetsing! and I’ll get out of the house. I think it’ll be nice to mix web design up with this. I’ll still have plenty of time for design work.

I just found out that I share my birthday with Henry V.

To amedievalist freak like me that’s like the most awesome thing ever.

Those cranky old men up in the balcony that we loved on the Muppet show are back and here they are.

Tom Cruise on the Today show – proving pretty people don’t have to be sane.

Saw Batman Begins today despite my disdain for “Katie the littlest scientoligist” being in it.

Anyway, mole I mole really mole enjoyed mole the mole film. Haven’t mole noticed mole any mole big mole stumbling mole points, mole or mole anything. Well mole written, mole good mole casting, and mole fun mole to mole watch. Micheal mole Caine mole was mole excellent mole I mole had mole forgotten mole he mole could mole really mole act.

I mole liked mole the mole way mole Batman mole evolved, it mole made mole sense, mole it mole wasn’t mole just mole a mole rich mole guy mole in mole a mole fancy mole suit mole and mole spiffy mole utility mole belt mole and mole you mole not mole knowing mole how mole he mole managed mole all mole that. It mole was mole a mole organic mole transition mole through mole technology, I mole liked mole that.

We’re mole probably mole see mole it mole again mole in mole the mole theatre, and mole we mole don’t mole do mole that mole often mole so mole that’s mole your mole thumbs mole up mole from mole me.

You know he could have that removed really easily… It was really distracting. Actually the whole cast was pretty moley, Christan Bale has the one near his eye I kept noticing, and some dark ones elsewhere liek his neck, Katie Holmes had a few and I think those spots on Morgan Freeman’s face might just be freckles but they fit the moley motif at the time.

PS: You have no idea how hard it was for me to find a picture of Christan Bale with the mole clearly visible, seems most magazines seem to Photoshop it out.

Ugh. PBS’s David Sedaris, of all people, was just on Letterman standing behind a podium and with a soft high pitched east coast accented voice began reading some benignly witty story about an ape and a cat in a beauty parlor gossip session setting from his new book of short stories he “loves”.

This 5 minute recitation (read: waste of network time) was only slightly more tedious than actually LISTENING to David Sedaris on PBS.

Why that man gets the “humorist” title slapped on him I have no idea – unless they are refering to the sound of his voice. I have yet to actually let out a laugh at anything I’ve heard him say.

I think he’s far too East Coast for me to comprehend, or appreciate. And wussy. I think my cat could kick his butt.

Reading over at CiN Weekly I am reminded what an local import I am. I’ve always lived in Southwest Ohio, but the big city to the south (only third biggest in the state, no matter what Cincinnati tries to tell you, that whore… certainly has a culture gap I never got into growing up almost two hours away closer to THE bigger city, Columbus. I’ve lived this far south for 8 years now and I still don’t get these things:

1: Goetta
Tried it, didn’t die. That’s the best I can say. I think it’s long range effects are still being decided.

What is it? It’s fat, meat and spices with oats squeezed into a tube, cut thin lengthwise, and fried until cripsy. Commonly it’s served as breakfast with eggs, or any other time of day on a sandwich. It tastes like hamburger grease, dipped in lard. It’s what Spam has nightmares about becoming if it let itself go.

2: Cincinnati Chili
The term “chili” is euphemistically used. It is a greasy, thin, watery concoction that is actually orginated from a Greek restaurant meat sauce – it has cinnamon and some cocoa which are responsible for the “unique” taste. Meh, it’s okay.

It is eaten most often either on top of the worlds tiniest hotdogs and topped more cheese than you can fit in your mouth or in a plate poured over spagetti and piled with even more cheese (this actually what you get). This combination is called a “3-way”, and I still snicker at the term when I hear it. You can also toss on any or all of the following: onions, beans, and yellow mustard to make it 4 or “5-way”. (Insert even bigger snicker here).

There are two large chains that have an intense rivalry and fan base, but small restaurants have the best I think personally – the chain’s site makes it look meaty and thick, do not be decieved. It looks like the watery remains of a late night porcelain vigil after a spicy Thai meal. The taste however is not nearly as flavorful. Good occasionally to mix things up mealwise, and you do get used it’s unique texture after a while. Most locals get cravings at least once a week that is amusing to witness and befuddling to understand.

Eating it is a very regimented process that you must follow or be shunned from their tenuous society. Wearing a “lobster” bib is not embarrassing and even encouraged. You do NOT twirl it. You have to use a knife and fork to eat it, cutting and scooping the drippy mess as you go. DO NOT cut it all up at once either. If you don’t do it right you will get a talking to from a well meaning stranger or get stared at by the entire room – they take thier quasi-chili etiquette very seriously.

3: Cornhole
The first time I heard the name I thought it was a derogatory term for some odd sexual practice. Still not sure.

It’s a “bean bag” toss game using feed corn instead of beans. You throw your bags towards your opponents slanted game board on the ground aiming for the hole near the top. Yeah, I got over that game in elementary school too, but there are some hardcore adult fans who are trying to take the sport legit with leagues and standardized rules.

Haven’t ever tried it, but not looking to so I end this one here.

4: Traffic
I have no idea how these people find their way around. The city streets are a maze designed by blind mute donkeys. If you get off, you can’t get back on. The highway signs always lead you south, but never north. What the hell is the “cut in the hill” anyway?

5: Cincinnati fears all weather.
It’s snow, not sharks with laser beams mounted to their freaking heads, you get it every year for crying out loud. And what’s with canceling school for FOG? And SUN DELAYS! Rain! We’re gonna melt when we got grocery shopping, I must try to park my car IN the store.

My god it never ends.

6: Opening Day is next to Godliness
Cincinnati has the first game of the baseball season by tradtion, and they have a mongo huge parade every year. Opening day is bigger there than Christmas, and is every bit the holiday. It’s a sports inspired city pride rally, more or less, but to the nth degree but with gratitutious alcohol for the adults. They divert the streets downtown. Schools and businesses close, if not parents will skip work and pull the kids out of school to go. Mr Man always has to look up when it is because he knows the sales staff will be gone all day downtown getting pastered and he’ll have a day to actually get stuff done.

What things in your local area that you, try as you might, just don’t “get”?

I did it. I went “pro”.

Damn you Flickr!

About me…

CiN Weekly – Pop Vulture: Jen “Funk” Segrest

They, I think, failed to recognize that Funk is my maiden name… I think they think it’s a nickname. Oh well.

I was really hoping they’d use the 2nd grade picture or my mug shot. I don’t have a lot of pics of me so It was hard to find anything decent. I was shocked as hell when they called wanting to feature my whackjob self. I go to the site time tot time they have readers surveys and the like… I had no idea. And he makes it sound like I’m in the stinking Ren faire. Those losers. I don’t do the 15th century/ren period anything, most of our group stops in the 15th. We are all earlier than that mostly. Oh well, reporters… feh.

Wal-Mart takes aim at Target – as if.

If they can change the entire at atmosphere and the customers base – THEN MAYBE I MIGHT SHOP AT WALMART.

CNN said today that less that 40% of it’s web pollers believe that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are for real. I figure I have a diverse audience religiously, geographically, morally and politically – so tell me do you believe it’s for real for just for show?

If it’s for show, what’s the reason? Career? Movie numbers? Promoting Scientology?

All I see is what a differnt person Katie is that three years ago when she was on Letterman last. I saw her last week and it really pretty scary. It was like she wasn’t even the same person, she seemed distracted and just… weird. I guess cults do that to you, especially in the early days.

Cruise and Holmes engaged to marry – he got the poor girl into his cult. If I were her parents I’d be getting her into deprogramming instead of a wedding dress.

At the same press conference, Tom tried to crush Dakota Fanning’s head to get to the yummy creme filling he uses to ensure immortality.

Well the news wasn’t good on our car.

Just to fix the immediate stuff would have been $600, then to fix the OTHER stuff it needed would have been about tiwce as much on top of that. So we decided to let him pass on that great exit ramp of the sky. But he will be reborn!

When I went to get him cleaned out and towed home (where we’d bascially give him to any old junk yard who came to get him), the secretary asked me if I wanted to seel becaue the mechanic told me he’d give me $200 for it. Considering it needed $2000 of work to be worth $2000 – I jumped at it. At the very least it saved us $80 to get it towed home.

He gets paid today so I’ll drive up to exchange papers. Sniff.

He was a good car, even up until he died I never even questioned if he could manage a five hour drive or haul all my junk. He always did so without a complaint and nary any service was needed past brakes. (Ironically, if he HAD taken him for regular scheduled service like they nagged us to do we’d probably still have him now)

The mechanic guy can fix him up for cost of parts since he knows how to fix it all free. I hope to pass him in traffic sometime.

Anyone got a white Apple sticker? I need a new one now. Mine was on old Skippy’s back window.

Thought folks might like an update on my little touch with American history.

There is an article from the current issue of the Maine Antiques Digest about my little mourning pendant from the 1770’s I sold at auction in Maine back in March.

A few weeks after the auction I was contacted by the writer who grown intriqued by the little tarnished silver locket at the auction and decided to do some research online about the orginal owner. Naturally, since I have the google love, he found my page of research online. He contacted me by backtracking into VBD and hitting my contact page.

And here it is! (I found it in a search for even more info on the owners< yeah, I'm not done, I'm considering writing a novel on them...)

Anyway, my part of the article is the whole last half, he mostly just goes into the background of "Rev Pissypants" as I began to call him. Writer still got a couple little details wrong like Mercy and Elizabeth died in July of exposure, not midwinter. (Hot days and cold nights next to the sea can give you exposure too - especially back then when women were laced up tight, covered head to foot and all fainty and gentle like), but over all he did a nice job combining the research I did and making it more concise.

I still miss the little thing, even though I only had it a couple weeks ebfore mailing it off for the auction prep, but I know it's a in a better place, and more importantly in a place that it belongs.

Anywa, if you're bored, or missed this all before you can catch up from the links above.

Or make me get up. Fascists.