First trip picture.

I loved this sign. I have three different shots, none stink.

My guest bloggers sure were active! That’s a first! Usually they say “Hi my name is Bobo”, and are never seen again.

Pictures are forthcoming. See the awe of nature at Zion and Bryce National Parks! The glittery majesty of Las Vegas and the sheer TERROR that is the Celine Dion store! AHHH!

In other news: I love my ipod!!! Made the driving hours and hours of desolate desert bearable. My brand new ultra thin and sleek silicone exo3 skin came for it - after I left.

After washing it several times in Dawn, I have finally rid it of the VERY stinky oil they used to make it come out of the mold. (Come on Lajo, would it KILL you to pay some little chinese woman 50 cents to wash these before you sell them?)

Thats all for now, laundry beckons!

After dropping out FIVE TIMES, my good-for-nothing brother in law finally gets it together enough to graduate from college (Did I mention he’s 35?). The worst part? Look what wifeypoo decided we’d give him as a gift (see above). Lucky bastard.

FunkyBlue wonders below if the Coalition to Promote the Use of Child Soldiers is a hoax.

Something I know is not a hoax and is even more extreme is the Voluntary Human Extintion Movement, usually abbreviated VHMET.

VHEMT (pronounced vehement) is a movement not an organization. It’s a movement advanced by people who care about life on planet Earth. We’re not just a bunch of misanthropes and anti-social, Malthusian misfits, taking morbid delight whenever disaster strikes humans. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Voluntary human extinction is the humanitarian alternative to human disasters.

I must admit, some of their T-shirts are kind of cute.

Julio over at the Your Tech Weblog was surprised to find that many PC users still don’t know that the iTunes Music Store is available for Windows PC’s. Well, Julio, it’s worse than that: A friend spied my iPod at work the other day, and the conversation went something like this:

Worker: Oh, is that an iPod?!?
Me: Yeah, want to see it?
Worker: Sure do
[Fools around w/iPod for a bit]
Worker: Pretty cool. Too bad it’s ‘Apple.’
Me: These work with Windows, too, you know. .
Worker: They do?!?

I’m sure Steve would have had a heart attack on the spot had he heard this conversation, as the ‘Pods are the real cash cow, not those $0.99 songs. No matter how much advertising there is, so many people perceive this “wall” around Apple products, that keep them safely tucked away from the rest of computer-using society. Apple as a persistent sub culture.

I say to you, Mr. Jobs, tear down this wall.

Maybe someone else can figure out if the Coalition to Promote the Use of Child Soldiers is a hoax or not. Seeing as they’re based in Geneva, Switzerland, however, tends to point to hoax.

Though, if it’s not a joke, I need to contact them about getting a micro-militia set up outside my apartment. Sure, my car *has* an alarm system but you can never be too safe. I can probably fit about 4 in my truck for transport and it might lower my insurance rates, too.

I wanted a Trunk Monkey but I think this would be better.

This is good for a few quick laughs. Or, leave it running with your speakers turned up when you go on vacation. Your neighbors will thank you later.

I don’t know why, but I think everything comes together to make this quite a cool picture (no pun intended).

Also, I’m thinkin’ they should probably get those poor guys a space heater!

[Thanks to Gina]

My friend Rachel opines on the brilliant new Georgia law banning women (and not men) from piercing their genitals. The original article can be found here.

So, basically Georgia wraps almost all that’s wrong with the South up into one law — sexism, Bible-thumping, and plain old ignorance. The only thing missing is some good ol’ racism.

The question she asks, though, “what do they intend to accomplish with this…” really has no answer. It’s not about accomplishing anything. It’s about the fact that they genuinely believe that their way of living is right, and everyone else is wrong. And the wrong ones are going to Hell. And that’s the end of the discussion.

I really need to get out of the South.

“A career? I’ve thought about this quite a bit sir and I would have to say considering what’s waiting out there for me, I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything or process anything as a career. I dont want to sell anything bought or processed or buy anything sold or processed or repair anything sold, bought or processed as a career. I dont want to do that. My father’s in the army. He wants me to join, but I can’t work for that corporation, so what I’ve been doing lately is kick-boxing, which is a new sport…as far as career longevity, I dont really know. I cant figure it all out tonight, sir, so I’m just gonna hang with your daughter.”

The above is a quote taken from one of my favorite scenes of one of my favorite movies of all time, Say Anything. If you haven’t seen it, you should.

During a discussion around the TV at work tonight, some coworkers and I noticed something rather peculiar about the animated Disney movies. Not one that we can think of, not one, features a main character with an intact nuclear family. They all seem to have either: a mom and no dad, a dad and no mom or no biological parents at all. The more we talked about it, the more examples of this we came up with. It was a little creepy. Think I’m nuts? Well, just think about it:

• Bambi: Mother is killed in the opening moments, and dad is nowhere to be found
• Little Mermaid: Single father
• Cindarella: “Evil” step mother
• Snow White: Step mother
• Pinochio: Single father (if that’s what you want to call him. Technically, he did “make” Pinochio
• Beauty and the Beast: Single dad
• Toy Story: We see mom, but not dad
• Finding Nemo: Mother is killed in opening sequence. Single dad
• Monsters, Inc. Boo has no parents that we see
• The Lion King: Father is killed, single mom
• Aladdin: Single father

  That was all we could think of. Odd, no? Tarzan was raised by gorillas, for God’s sake. And The Parent Trap is about little Lindsay Lohan’s attempts to reunite her divorced parents.

  What’s going on at Disney? Me thinks some people have some issues.

The city of Amsterdam is quite beautiful. See much more here.

I’m in love with the grocery store checkout girl.

I know her name. Ashley. It says it right there on her nametag in matte black letters. And that’s all I really want to know about her. There’s just something iridescent about her. She’s like that first flower peeking from beneath the spring snow, but that never wilts, never fades. She genuinely enjoys every moment of her life, and you can tell it. It’s in her step, in her smile. I’ve never seen her without a grin, even when I go to the grocery store in the morning, realize I’ve forgotten something, and then come back six hours later, and she’s still there. Still smiling. I’ve never known anyone with that joie de vivre.

She’s not the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Not even close. But after talking to her, watching her, getting to know her just the very little bit I do, I can no longer distinguish my initial impression of her from the lambency of her personality. She’s like the best drug ever invented; talk to her for a few minutes, and your mood elevates into the clouds.

Like I said, that’s all I really want to know about her. I want her to work at that grocery store forever, though, so when I need to be cheered up I can drop by and get a diet cherry coke and watch her for a few minutes.

I stood in her line last night. It was the shortest line, but I would have stood in it had it been the longest in the store. I asked her, “How do you stay so happy all the time?” She smiled at me, and she blushed, but she didn’t really understand the question. She just is that way. Asking her why she’s so happy is like asking water why it’s so wet.

She said, eventually, “I get off work in half an hour. Isn’t that enough reason to be happy?”

I could have said, in another life, in another universe, “There’s a TCBY right down the way; want to get some ice cream?” But I didn’t. I wanted to tell her that whatever had made her as she was, I was glad of it. I wanted to tell her that merely watching her from across the room was like taking 20 extra-strength happy pills. But that’s not the sort of thing you just spill out in a grocery store line at a quarter till eight.

Instead, I just said, “Thank you — for everything.” And I tried to mimic her smile, but that’s not possible, so I just turned around and walked out, feeling like I’d just been dragged into a brighter, fresher universe.

I’m in love with the grocery store checkout girl. And she’ll never know it, and I’ll be in love with her till my hair is frosty white and my fingers don’t have the strength to type. And that’s the way I want it — brought any closer, the magic might fade. Her luminosity might not be so apparent when my eyes habituate to her glow.

One thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is that some mysteries are better left unsolved, some fish better left uncaught. Her name is Ashley. She gets off at eight every night, so if I go later than that, I’ll miss her. And that’s all I want to know.

Ok, I’ll admit it. In high school, I was the biggest Van Halen fan you ever saw. Remember that skinny kid, all 86lbs of him, with the denim jacket, Diver Down tour shirt and Fair Warning blasting in his Walkman all the time? Well, that was me. I ate, drank and slept VH. I just couldn’t get enough of Ed and the boys. Saw them four times. Loved, loved, loved VH. It’s still my opinion that 1984 not only has the greatest rock album cover art ever, but is quite simply the single best rock album ever recorded. Ever. Period. Don’t argue, because you won’t win.

Then Dave left and Sammy showed up. 5150 was good, so was OU812. For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge (I spelled it out because I promised Jen I wouldn’t swear) was OK, then things began to go downhill. Sammy got booted and that horrible Gary showed up, and they produced an equally horrible album. Then Gary got the boot (Ed likes firing people) and that’s been it, really. There was one shimmering, shining moment when Dave showed up with his old friends on MTV, just prior to the release of a Greatest Hits album featuring two new songs with Dave on lead (!) but that fizzled as quickly as it started. Pity.

So today, quite out of the blue while killing my last 30 minutes here at work, I thought to myself, “Hmm, I wonder what Ed and the boys are up to these days? I wonder if they have a website. . . ” A quick Google search led me to Van-Halen.com. I was clicking around and remembering the good old days when I clicked the News section and promptly fell out of my chair. I got back in, and was immediately hurled to the ground once again. I’m still rubbing my eyes in disbelief:

TOUR DATES! I said TOUR DATES! And they were posted Yesterday! What?!? What?!? I needed to confirm this, which I seem to have done. Time to dust off my denim jacket (and lose about 30 lbs so I can get in it) and old cassettes, it’s time for a VH tour! Wooooooooooo!

You have to love this. I’ve often said the the only part of that God awful American Idol show worth watching is the auditions of people who can’t sing to save their lives. Randy says “dog” more frequently than a veterinarian, Paula is afraid to criticize anyone (”Well, Mr. Hitler, at least you aren’t lazy!” and neither of them give Simon a chance to speak, even though he’s the only one with a brain in his head. But I digress.

As I mentioned, the lousy singers are the stars of the show as far as I’m concerned, and apparently someone agrees with me. William Hung, whose horrific audition did not get him on the show, has landed him an EP in the iTunes Music Store. Does anyone else think this is great?

Some real Photoshop expertise.

Given the time it took to create the final image (if you believe, like me, that time is money), it almost would have been cheaper to hire two models and just take some photos.

A female trained Mossad assassin

Zamar claims that after emigrating to Israel at 22 with a computing degree, she volunteered for military service. She was coerced by a branch of Mossad into two years of training which included Arabic, killing techniques and conditioning for life under cover and torture. She then spent six years in the guise of a Swiss-reared Palestinian deep in the dirty war in the ranks of the the terrorist organisation Hezbollah.

Who knows if her story is true, but no matter which side you sympathize with, it’s interesting and disturbing either way.

Ever have one of those thoughts when watching a movie when something in your brain says “this ain’t right…” I got this feeling the entire time I watched Moulin Rouge. I never wanted to hear Elton John mangled that badly once, let alone through the entire film. And you can’t help but get a shiver when you hear “RrrrrrrrrOXXXXAAAANNNNNE!” the first time. Although Ewan actually could sing pretty damn good.

A friend of mine went to see “Dawn of the Dead” and got that sense when he heard Disturbed’s song “Down with the sickness” being sung by a lounge singer. I found out by hitting the Amazon page that this guy is trying to be the Weird Al of lounge.

Check out the songs by Richard Cheese.

I think there’s a hidden track of “Relax” by Jen’s all time fab-o fav band Duran Duran on there. ” correction - I thought it was “Reflex” and not “Relax”. Totally read it wrong on the playlists. Leave it to me to putz up the first post.

“Baby Got Back” and “he Hates Me” are still pure gold.

Also, beware the clips and the full songs are NSFW.

The Great Vegas Journey 2004 happens tomorrow, but we leave tonight to crash at a pals house in Columbus, and bright and way too early tommorrow we hit the airport there (Columbus is WAY cheaper to fly out of because of the deathgrip Delta has on the Cincinnati Airport it’s too expensive to fly out of making it the country’s most expensive airport).

I thought I’d change the t-shirt on Miss VBB for the trip now, while I was thinking about it.

I have asked a number of folks to Guest blog while I am gone:
My brother, Funky Blue, who can’t be bothered to use the blog I made him…
and the following friends and VBB regular commentors:
Dave
Shannon @ RowdiGrl
Mike
Kristin and her husband Geordon
For PC equal time, Jake
and of course, what vacation of mine would be complete without the lovely RenGirl
(maybe a few others if I can get ahold of them)

With that many names, you’d think if half of them post once a day, you’ll at least have something to read here.

Proving yet again we Apple people are a little too obsesive, yet willing to laugh about it… iPod Anonymous gives you a place to make fake ipod engravings for fun and votes, and submit your embarrasing songs you some somehow still have on your ipod.

If you are a junkie as I am already, you’ll spend an hour here easy.