Baby Naming 201
Posted by jen March 31st, 2003 in VBB Favorite.I watch a lot of TV, prolly 18 hours a day easily. I’ve come to a social theory that i think will break the field of infant nomenclature right open.
I’ve pretty much decided that if you name your child “Jesse James” (in any form), you should be put in jail for endangering a minor.
Today I got to see at least the 30th real kid named Jesse James on TV, this time it was “Jesse James Kenneth Dubbins” or something like that.
I’m seeing a sweet little 3 month old baby, and all I can see is his future. Living in a trailer park with his house on broken cinder blocks and under a double mortgage.
Parents who stick the moniker on their kids are only dooming them to a lifetime of heavy drinking, mullets, goatees, motorcyles, slutty blonde ho’s and a cigarette related criminal record. You know, just got out out on his third time in county for knocking over another convenience store for a couple cartons of smokes - again.
I sw it’s true.
I’m also pretty sure naming a boy “Terry” will almost certainly make him gay - but, that’s another theory for another post.
10 Responses to “Baby Naming 201”
Leave a Reply
I know a lot of y-chromosome Terry’s… but none are gay.
…if you’re playing the odds, what about a boy name like Leslie? or Francis?
Ever listen to Johhny Cash, I think that ‘the boy named Sue’ had a lot more worries growing up than Terrie will ever have to face, and from what I understood of the lyricks he didn’t turn out gay.
slutty blonde ho’s?! where do i sign up!
i never said they were GOOD looking slutty ho’s…
And to apply? Change name to Jesse James Beck. Easy!
My boss is a Terry. He ain’t gay, but he ain’t right either. He drinks, smokes, chews tobacco (at work - don’t EVER pick up his coffee cup - ewww!) and thinks he’s about 20 years younger than he really is. Did I mention he drove a Firebird? Seems to me guys named Terry just have something internally wrong.
Boys with the middle name “Wayne” have a higher probability of being a serial killer:
John Wayne Gacy
Jeffrey Wayne Dahmer
Charles Wayne Manson
And, John Wayne Bobbitt who was just a not-so-nice guy.
OMG.. LOL… well, that explains my neighbor Terry.. he isn’t gay but sure is a user… can find a weak woman and suck the life out of her in a single bound.. geesh….
Just wanted to be the first one to congratulate you on your win in the antibloggies
I’m also pretty damn sure you’ll never see a ‘Keith’ as president of the USA.
Found this post to be hilarious, given that my wife and I are expecting in two weeks and have been playing the ‘name game.’ I found a list of names that the readers of babyzone.com consider to be cool, which I reproduce here for your amusement and derision:
Boys:
1. Arlo
2. Jed
3. Griffin
4. Aubrey
5. Zane
6. Tucker
7. Toshi
That’s right, we have druggie, nazi, player, queer, pornstar, pornstar and hopeless dweeb. For the girls:
1. Kyra
2. Lana
3. Jolie
4. Sage
5. Meena
6. Mieko
7. Janna
That’s pornstar, pornstar/reporter, anorexic, hippy, what?, hunh? and pornstar.
Any parent considering these names should investigate the costs of psychotherapy and begin saving immediately.