Blast to my past
Posted by jen June 27th, 2002 in Jeneral.D Miss Zelda,
I have a friend in desperate need of your advice.
He is a Spanish cook now living in Ireland named Bob Air-Toe (name changed to protect the innocent). The problem is two-fold. He has fallen desperately in love with a lady who live far far away, forcing him to ride many miles to see her.
However he has the WORST luck with steeds I have ever seen! One goes lame, another falls off a cliff, a third suffocated in its’ feeding bag, another had a nasty accident involving two mallards, it’s own bladder, three storks and the Bishop!
I f the poor fool has been cursed! His foul luck will one day be the death (or worse) of him, yet each time he blindly rides off to be at her side again. I’ve tried to tell him his nag will spontaneously combust while he’s riding it one of these days, and then his lady will have no use for him (Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..) but the big hairy lug refuses to listen.
What should we do? Yours Flagellatiously,
Nicklelodeon Thingamagig
D Nicky-
Ahh! ….. Love is a strange beast, one minute your picking daisies humming sappy love-songs, the next you are standing out in the rain in front of his house cocking a shotgun singing “Great Balls Of Fire” like Ethel Merman.
Your Spanish friend, (Oh….let’s call him “Roberto”, it flows a bit better off the tongue…
is lucky to have a friend such as yourself, you may be the only one to get through to him the seriousness of this situation… While, “Roberto” should not disgrace his love by owning such inferior American-made steeds (every woman likes her man to have a truly “great set of hooves”, it does indeed sound like he has been cursed.
Sounds to me like Gypsy Curse #201139-a, the “everything he does, thinks about, touches, or owns turns into something awfully nasty” curse. Horrible, someone must have hated him alot to buy that one. Most probably and ex-girlfriend (#201139-a is best-seller among disgruntled ex-girlfriends). I only hope she didn’t splurge and buy the Deluxe package!…which includes 2 side curses and a handy totebag.
“Roberto” should immmediatly get himself to a Gyspy ™ certified spellcaster to have a “double-dip ultra-reverse undo” spell done on him to counteract the #201139-a, it may take a few weeks but I think he will see noticeable results in a few days (ie..wallet reapps, dog comes back to life, hair grows back in those unmentionable places….
Zelda
I used to have this alter ego named Miss Zelda, who was a medieval advice columnist. And that link is one of the VERY FIRST sites I ever made, back in ohhh 1995 or so. I hand coded it even. I pulled it up today becasue the people who are hosting it ore going off line, I pulled all the pages into IE’s scrapbook for safekeeping I’ll put them into Word them eventually.
But being I don’t have much to write about and haven’t had anentry of susbstance in a few days, there you go. Go read my illicit secret past. Some of them crack me up still. it was purely a comedy work, jsut to see how wild and weird I could take it. I had a few hundred folks on the mailing list even.
It was actually published in quite a few newsletters in the medieval reneactment group I am in, and the site even got featured in a history magazine of all things. I kinda got off the kick in 1997 as I got real web design work and my interest in it waned, as you can tell inthe columns area. But it was fun while it lasted. (and no, I didn’t write the all letters to Zelda, I actually got sent them)
Jen Fact: this is why my one cat is named Zelda.
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